The 21st Century Love Facets and Faces

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Posed by Model Posed by Model Photo by DJ

It had been three months of self-alienation followed by self examination. Sitted on her usual spot at the park, Grace had taken a break from reading, a culture she had adopted for two months. She stretched and straightened out the kink in her neck then stood to smell the flowers.

On her right was a group of three boys playfully tackling one another and laughing with total abandon. Looking around her she spotted a lady with a stroller bending to whisper sweet gibberish to her little one. It dawned on her that self-actualization was alive and everyone is entitled to that.

Unlike nowadays, values and character were the selling point as the boys and girls with “principles” were considered the pride of the village and mostly their parents. However, the system has been flipped what with the coming of newer ways of  defining relationships such as friends with benefit, open relationships, to say but the least. In relation to relationships anothe r term that hs been loosely defined has come up: GOLD DIGGER.

The term gold digger has been thrown around to refer to girls who hunt,so to speak, for men with the fattest pay cheques. From the words of Kanye West that she ain’t messing with no broke, a crop of ladies that agree with the rapper’s lyrics have been misunderstood. Sure they won’t mess with broke brothers but that’s not to say that they don’t hold their own. This is the league of ladies I like to call Sufficiently Independent.

The sufficiently independent woman  is viewed as  miss independent but won’t shy away from financial advances from men if and when offered. This is not to say that she hasn’t got her financial management 101 down for let’s face it, she works to earn a living, pays her bills on time, never gets a wardrobe malfunction  and confidence is her middle name. Men notice this type of woman and some go as far as showing their appreciation through wine and dine. Others who are not up to the task make excuses that they are high maintenance while the truth is that they simply can’t keep up with the already set standards by these women. This is the code that a sufficiently independent woman lives by so don’t knock this system until you’ve holistically understood it.

This upcoming love ideology is yet to be accepted as it is. To some it’s selfish while others deem it as so  self empowering that Grace, a petite lady with an affinity for high heels and a flair for colours in her dresscode,a linguist of mid twenties and a smile that would put beauty queens to shame, labels it ‘self love’. Unlike selfishness, Grace believes that this type of love seeks to empower the individual to lift   others.

Nearly 63 per cent of women in Kenya have chosen singlehood and wear it as a badge of honor.Grace came to this conclusion when she had finally arrived at the finish line of the 8-4-4 system of education and  University was expected and so much  more. In the midst of discovery and juggling  came the ‘’ wrong’’ crowds that she had been forewarned.

Along her second year of Campus Grace had managed to join THE drama club, gained a wishy-washy man of her shortlived dating relationship and fake friends to boot.  That was so much for what she considered the Campus life. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, hers had led her to depression. The ‘’IT’’  girl was no more. The friends were no more and the love of her campus life had also disappeared.

Through juggling academics and social life, it was evident that those balls were one too many.After a  bout of depression that lasted  three months she decided she had enough and set on a journey of self discovery with self love as her companion. She immersed herself into inspirational books, changed her set of friends for positive ones and is in the process of flourishing in her career as a writer. It is safe to say that Grace is now a financially independent women embracing sufficiently independent life.

Several women have come to the same conclusion as Grace. These is a crop of ladies who have beaten the odds and are comfortable within their space. They are not afraid to acknowledge that they are different regardless of societal views. They have mapped their way into corporate and self employment spaces.Nevertheless, the society still continue to label them.

If one is single and mighty successful a man’s name will be mentioned to explain their advancement. Despite the fact that Steve Hravey advises women to think like men and act ladies, his point of view is not put into consideration when passing judgement to these women. With this in mind, we should live, laugh and love. Sure, the bumps in the road may hurt but definately worth it. At the end of the day we should remember that trials mold us into magnificent people.

Also, sometimes our inputs may not bring forth our desired outputs.  This may result in down times and we should remember this shows that we are making efforts towards greatness and in the grand scheme of things we should strive to be better . As long as we continue to do that, happiness and love will follow suit.

The power of choice. It is vital to note that we have the power to choose. As Aristotle outlined, choice , not chance, determines your destiny. We have always had the power to chose our lifestyle and raise our voices towards ascertaining that.Just like Grace and other ladies world over, we have the power to choose happiness in our lives in everything we do .Personally, I believe that my happiness is defined by whether or not I am able to discern and seize an opportunity to be and feel happy.

It is evident that times have changed and so have our beliefs. Due respect should be accorded to persons with different opinions with regard to how they conduct their social lives and lives in general.All in all, regardless of one’s view of love, it is vital for each and every person to ensure that the facet of love one embraces counts. I am positive that when it comes to matters of the individual heart, one should follow just that, one’s heart.

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