She lay on her bed recapping the sweet whispers and romances she had enjoyed a month ago. She couldn't stop thinking of the light touch of his skin against hers. This brought a mixture of emotions. She massaged her belly in a perplexed web of confusion.
It was a new month. May. She had missed her last period. Her periods always brought her misery. She'd coil herself on the floor, wake up in the middle of the night to boil some water, skip classes and well, everything that comes with period cramps. April was a painless month.
She phoned and texted her lover every minute she got hold of her phone. He remained calm, almost certain there was no cause of alarm. This would get into her nerves. She felt like he was enjoying every bit of it. Anyway, he wouldn't have to carry a lovechild for nine months, bearing the shame and the short lived campus dreams, she thought.
It was those times when everything would signify pregnancy. A lecturer would come to class and spend more than ten minutes advising on pregnancy, she would walk in town and come across more than five expectant women in a day... I mean, everything was getting pregnancy into her head!
She would constantly fish in the internet, searching for the early signs of pregnancy. Every time she washed her clothes, she'd end up with a back ache. That was a first sign. She'd also have cravings for foods (like fries) which she had never been a fan of. This made her get ‘love handles' which to her, her belly was growing bigger.
She'd thought of testing, but did not know how she would react if the results came out positive. She decided to wait a little bit longer. She would constantly dial her mother's number desperately searching for someone to talk to. But her guts wouldn't let her. She couldn't imagine the stress she'd instill in her. She therefore kept to herself and of course, her seemingly less concerned lover.
She had started contemplating abortion. But again, her mother gave birth to her when she was almost her age, so she had no right. The famous Sauti Sol's hit 'Nerea' would also play in her mind repeatedly. In the song, Kenya’s hottest boy band pleads with a girlfriend known as Nerea not to abort, since the baby would be well taken care of.
She was also almost certain her lover would support her, but still she was afraid. She'd recall the many 'dead beat' fathers out there and her bubble would burst.
It was mid May and still she'd seen nothing close to her periods. Not even the sharp ovulation pains she often felt. She was now almost cock sure she was expectant. She started saying it jokingly to her classmates, just to see the reaction if indeed it was true.
“No way. You are too responsible for that,” they would say.
“Of course am kidding,” she would counter, guilt written all over her face.
One hot afternoon as she was lying on the green grass of the campus field, she felt a sharp pain run across her abdomen. She ignored it at first. After some minutes the pain came back even sharper. It was more like the cramps pain. She had almost forgotten how the pain felt like.
She jumped to her feet and rushed to the washroom, hoping against all hope that it was what she thought it was.
Never had she been so happy to feel those sharp cramps pains, because they signified that she wouldn’t be in Nerea’s shoes after all.